"It's easy," I told Izzi the day before we left on our trip to Charleston. "All you have to do is write about writing. Whatever comes to mind. You've watched me do this plenty of times. PJ could even help you!"
Izzi and PJ are my cats. And before you think I'm completely crazy assigning a blog entry to two furry companions whose main purpose in life is to sleep, eat, unroll toilet paper, and shove the wind-up mouse under the refrigerator, crying plaintively until we pull the appliance out to retrieve it, you should know they have had a certain amount of experience at the writing game. Of course for them, this basically involves lying on either side of me on the big red couch in my living room (my favorite spot to write) and periodically flick their tails across my laptop keyboard.
While this activity, in itself, has provided an effective excuse for the various typos in my work, I do think Izzi might have other observations to make and advice to offer, given the opportunity. Also, not that this especially surprised me, given the way my writing career has been going, but just as I was ready to go away and thus neglect this blog for the next two weeks, my "readership" quadrupled after the last entry. Kind of like not being able to fill the bird feeder after dozens of avian breeds suddenly started flocking to the little perches...just to suggest a comparable feline analogy.
Anyhow, here are some of the thoughts on writing that Izzi (with PJ's help) was able to come up with while we were gone. (I corrected her spelling and grammar a bit, but otherwise these are her original ideas.)
10 Helpful Tips on Writing by Izzi Johnson
1. Choose the time of day for writing carefully. The sun generally shines on the right end of the red couch around 3 in the afternoon, which makes it the best time to sit there. It might also warm the other end of the couch in the morning, but this is when I have to be in the family room watching CNN on Daryl's lap.
2. Never try to write on an empty stomach. I always make a point of stopping by the food bowl before settling down on the red couch. This allows for at least an hour of solid writing time before I have to hit the food bowl again.
3. Allow yourself to be distracted regularly in order to inspire creativity. Some of my favorite choices for this include: abruptly running up the stairs for no particular reason and scratching furiously on the guest room door even though no one is inside; casually wandering into the kitchen and opening all the cupboards and drawers (pulling out a few dishtowels and knocking over the recycling is also helpful); and finally, PJ's personal favorite, decide you want to sleep on the end of the couch where the other cat already is, and then both climb back and forth across Erni and her laptop until she finally gives up and starts petting you instead of typing.
4. Always read all writing out loud when editing. While this probably makes no difference in its ultimate quality, it has a decidedly soporific effect on your companions. (I have no idea what that word means, but PJ found it in the thesaurus, which she says is also a necessary writing tool).
5. Learn where the delete button is on the keyboard and be able to find it easily and casually without even looking. Although hitting this button does cause some temporary noise and distress, it forces one to rewrite, and thus sit on the red couch longer than originally planned.
6. Be sure and keep plenty of liquids handy while writing. While I have tried that wine stuff Erni leaves on the coffee table sometimes, I personally prefer water...in a glass, not a bottle (see #3 "distractions" above for further explanation).
7. Never decide before you start writing how long the finished product will be (such as a list of 10 Helpful Tips). When you run out of things to say it can be stressful and make it hard to nap.
The End
Okay, so maybe next time I go on vacation, I should take my laptop along with me...
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